I’m BEYOND pissed right now. I don’t care how long “we’ve been friends” or……more than friends, don’t fucking disrespect me and video call me when you’re drunk. He’s an active alcoholic right now. Fuck him. I’ve been through enough fucking shit with my son’s father……from him dying from his addiction and all the fucked up bullshit I went through with him when he was alive. FUCK THAT and the Goddamn horse you rode in on. And he didn’t even know my son’s name!!! REALLY???? You want to be with me forever and you don’t even know my son’s name??? Are you fucking kidding me??? And there’s no reasoning with a belligerent active alcoholic……I know because I used to be one. I haven’t spoken over the phone to this guy in years…..I’m thinking since I’ve been in Phoenix……which will be 10 years in February 2021. 10 fucking years we haven’t spoke and you video call me when you’re fucking drunk??? After I JUST asked you how many days you had clean and you said, “1 day”. Fucking liar. And I get that. I get the lying. I get the shame and I get the selfishness that comes along with this fucking disease……and KEEP THAT FUCKING SHIT AWAY FROM ME!!! I don’t want anything to do with that bullshit energy. Don’t infect my life with your chaos…..with your poison.

I blocked his stupid ass on Insta. Fuck him. I don’t care how long we’ve “been friends”. You fucking disrespect me like that, then you’re gettin’ the boot. He wanted that instant gratification of seeing “the one he loved”…….such fucking bullshit. I swear, it brought back a lot of hurtful memories of my son’s father. My son’s father would call me when he was drinking and I wanted to believe he was sober, but I knew better.

Here’s the deal. If you drink and you’re an alcoholic, ALL BETS ARE OFF. Do NOT trust that person because you cannot. I would literally run you over to get what I wanted when I was drinking/using. And that’s how I felt about 2 hours ago today. I felt just run the fuck over by someone I cared about……by someone that I loved. It fucking HURTS like FUCK.

I swear, he better fucking get sober, but if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t and that’ll be fucking sad as fuck. He’s got a little boy……I think he’s about 4-years old. I’m so annoyed. Soooo fucking annoyed.

It’s hard being on the receiving end of an alcoholic who you care about. It’s fucking painful. So fucking over it. If you’re in a position like me, BLOCK that fucker. I don’t deserve to be treated like garbage and neither do you. Don’t flatter me with your slurred drunken comments…..because it’s all fucking bullshit….. ALL OF IT. What you say means NOTHING to me when you’re drunk.

PLUS, I fucking took a shower for you! lol I got myself clean for that dick! Hahaha……well, that’s ONE way to motivate me to take a shower today…..because I wasn’t going to…..I didn’t feel like it. My hair is so fucking long that it takes me like 2 days to wash it in the shower and 4 days to dry it. Ain’t got time for that!!!

AND HERE’S HOW I’M DEALING WITH MY EMOTIONAL PAIN RIGHT NOW: I’M FUCKING WRITING. I’M FUCKING WRITING TO GET ALL THIS BULLSHIT HURT AND PAIN OUT OF MY HEAD, SO I DON’T TAKE IT OUT ON MYSELF. SO, YAY ME FOR SELF CARE!!!!! FUCKING PROGRESS, BABY!!!!