IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my phone or watch a movie or do whatever. I’ve been getting Donnie up later (meaning, I get him from his room later) because I’m just not ready to start the day. I’m sick and I hack up like 18 million “animals” as I like to call them— it’s so gross. I really don’t feel “human” until 3 hours upon awakening. And there are a ton of other things I do in the morning…..such as clean up poop from Kahlua— she’ll often poop on herself and I’ll have to clean the floor up and then wash her butt— it’s getting colder outside, so I won’t be able to wash her outside too much longer. I did, however, give her a bath in my master bath shower a few days ago— ya’ll, the FUR that came off of her was INSANE. Kahlua is a chow shepherd and she WAS a big pup— she WAS about 60 lbs, but she’s lost a lot of weight in the last month or so…..I’m guessing she’s lost probably 15 or 20 lbs. I’m not getting on the scale (meaning, I’d hold her whilst I got on the scale, then subtract her weight)— yeah, I don’t want to see how much weight I’ve gained. I’ll find out on Tuesday at my gyno appointment— can’t fucking wait for that. I’ve seriously thought about cancelling it because of that scale thing, but I need to keep it because I need my Wellbutrin refilled.

Anyways, ya’ll, I digress…..the point is, I did not want to continue being a DICK to my son, so I HAD to take some ACTION. If my mental health is shit, then I’m not of maximum service to my son— I’m not showing up as the BEST mom for him. Donnie deserves the BEST VERSION of me and dude, I deserve it, too! So, taking care of my mental health is super important to me and my sobriety is SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME. I owe my life to sobriety. I went to a Birmingham meeting— it was great. I loved hearing all the southern voices!!! I really miss the South. My plan is for me and Donnie to move back to the South in about 3 years. Dude, in 3 years, Donnie will be 6-years old!!! What?????? Crazy! Wow, ok, better not think too much about that! hahaha……The meeting was small and I felt like I should have turned on my video, but I was too embarrassed about my face— I have been picking at it recently and I don’t feel 100% myself. This meeting is every night at 9:30pm, so that works out PERFECTLY for me! I will go again tomorrow night! I told them I’d show my face!

MY SOBRIETY IS ULTRA IMPORTANT TO ME, SO I MADE TIME TO GET MYSELF TO AN ONLINE AA MEETING TONIGHT. I ALMOST said “fuck it” because I was having a hard time finding a meeting, but I didn’t give up!!— my sobriety is way too important to me! Donnie will NEVER see me drunk— NEVER. Now, normally, I do not use absolutes, but I will here. My disease can go fuck itself. Yep. You ain’t winning, bitch. Not now. Not EVER.

BEING A GOOD MOM TO MY SON IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO ME, SO I MADE TIME TO GET MYSELF TO AN ONLINE AA MEETING TONIGHT. Nobody is gonna do the work for me— that’s MY responsibility.

IT’S ABOUT DOING THE FUCKING WORK. WHEN I DO THE FUCKING WORK, MAGIC HAPPENS. Love ya’ll! Happy Saturday!