Dude, I’m sick. I’m not like sick sick, barfing, diarrhea sick— I have a sore throat, congestion, headache, super tired (not new!! Lol) and a bit achey. Donnie caught a little bug at daycare last week and I got the funk from him. Donnie was better in 1.5 days and as for me…..yeah, I’m on day 3. Donnie just had a runny nose (clear snot…...just in case you were wondering the color! Lol) and a tiny sporadic cough and no fever— nothing serious. Yesterday, I was like, “Do I have the Covid???” And of course, I googled “Covid symptoms” to see if sore throat was one of them. And YES, sure enough, the Covid people (that’s what I’m calling “them” now) have reported having a sore throat. I don’t have IT though— Donnie and I basically never leave the house.

Ok, so back to me needing rest whilst I be sick and shit. As tired as I am, you’d think I’d jump at the idea of sleeping, but I don’t!!— my anxiety doesn’t let me relax, rest or nap. Yesterday, I did like 5 loads of laundry, in addition to other cleaning, organizing and grocery shopping— all whilst Donnie was at daycare. Cleaning and organizing and literally checking off tasks on my to-do list helps me feel better mentally— it calms me down. If things are “in order”, then I feel like I AM. My brain feels clearer when my environment is clean and organized. Dude, it’s true for me that my environment reflects my inner feelings. If my house looks like shit, then there’s a 99.9% chance that I feel like shit. For example, I have a place in my room that I tend to toss clothes— if this like gets bigger and bigger, that pile literally represents my anxiety. And then i look at that like and get even more anxiety— that is, if I’m not ready to take action and address my anxiety. So, fold the FUCKING CLOTHES and adios anxiety!! And today, I felt like absolute do-do because I’ve been running my body ragged— mentally/emotionally, physically and spiritually.

So, this morning, I forced myself to rest….I really didn’t have a choice— my body was going to plop down wherever, so lying on my comfy bed is more ideal than the kitchen floor. I believe I actually napped for about 30 or 40 minutes— that’s great for me!

Here’s another thing I probably should not have done today being that I wasn’t feeling the greatest— is to call up my mom and tell her, “Btw, I’m not talking to Laura right now.” Laura is my sister. Ahhhhh, yes, nothing like opening a can of fucked up worms to make me feel better. I found myself wanting my mom to “be on my side” and to convince her that I’m not the “bad guy” for setting healthy boundaries for myself. Wanting people to “see my side of things” is still very important to me because I tie it to my self worth. This one is still a struggle for me— and yes, I’m very aware I make it that way. Logically, I know this thinking to be untrue, but convincing my heart that “your opinion of me does not dictate my self worth” is challenging……and uncomfortable. I just have to be consistent about it. The more times I do it (not explaining myself and setting healthy boundaries), the easier it’ll become and I’ll have created a new, healthy, self-caring habit.