I watched a snippet of a video earlier tonight (I only watched a snippet because the dang video started off so fucking boring) and what the speaker talked about was staying in gratitude and what you put the most energy in will manifest. Sooooo……if I’m putting a lot of energy into being stressed and worried, then I’m going to be even MORE stressed and worried! Seriously, like 96.5% of the scenarios that go on in my head are fictional– they NEVER happen or HAVE happened or WILL happen. Fear is a little bitch and can go fuck itself.

I’ve been super stressed lately– for one, this dang website was giving me issues (HTML coding issues which make me absolutely crazy); I’m worried about money and I’m worried about Donnie going back to daycare tomorrow. The main reason I haven’t had Donnie go back to daycare was because of COVID. COVID-19 is being treated by doctors more effectively now, since they know more about the virus, which is fucking AWESOME! This eases my nerves and now I don’t have to be so nervous about him “catching IT”. If anything happened to my Donnie, I would fucking DIE. I would. Dramatic much? Yes. Socially, Donnie will be 100% OK– he always adjusts going back to daycare. Donnie is an angel at school; he gets along with his classmates and his teachers and the Directors LOVE him! It really does help for me to talk this out. I’m the one that needs the adjusting! lol

Sooooo, back to the putting energy into GOOD THINGS and GOOD THOUGHTS. Crazy thing is, I was talking to a lady last Friday about being GRATEFUL for my stress! Because here’s the deal, I’m ALIVE– I GET to have stress in my life. Some alcoholics/addicts (like my son’s father on March 17, 2017) didn’t wake up this morning– their addiction fucking won and snatched their life. How fucking BLESSED am I that I GET to have a LIFE??! Yes, I’m so SUPER blessed! And I need to always, always remember that AND put that gratitude for life into action. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now. I’m writing about it. Writing helps me feel better. I love writing. Writing helps clear my head; organize my thoughts and reduce my anxiety. It really does help to look at my thoughts “on paper” (on a screen).

So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to think in ABUNDANCE. I’M GOING TO STAY IN GRATITUDE AND MANIFEST A BADASS LIFE. Even when the shit is hitting the fan (mentally or literally– because my son has painted his room in poo about 5 times in the last month…..which is absolutely amazing), I’m going to stay in gratitude. I’m going manifest financial security and freedom. I’m going to manifest GOOD THINGS and GREAT OPPORTUNITIES. I have to clear the pathway for all the goodness– kick out all the bullshit garbage in my head. The bullshit garbage that tells me I’m not good enough and how I need to look younger, etc. I’m telling ya, my brain goes NON-STOP.

Let’s end on a positive note. I’m going to apply for this Upwork writing gig that I was invited to– and look at that…..a fucking GREAT OPPORTUNITY I was gifted! Then, I’ll get ready for bed because I have to get Donnie to daycare by 7am!!! I haven’t had Donnie in the car by 6:30am in 6 months! Whoa!….but I can do it. Everything will be OK. Donnie will be OK and I will be OK. Exhale…….