I’m really trying to make a conscious effort to NOT feed my anxiety, stress and fear, but it be HARD, yo! Ugh……I totally felt like curling up in a little ball today on my bed and sleeping for 4 hours, but that’s just a fantasy. Instead, I worked on web/creative projects all day, but my mind felt like it was 18 million miles away. I felt so distracted, anxious and I couldn’t focus. I swear, I felt like I was writing this one piece of content all FUCKING day. I kept RE-WRITING it over and over and over. It just didn’t sound right. After fucking with it for so long, I finally let it go……well, I let it go tonight. At least, for now. Another idea might pop into my head in which I think is BETTER. Revisions/editing make me crazy sometimes— I love it, but it makes me nutty at times. I just always want it to be BETTER…….THE BEST. It’s like cosmetic procedures…..once you get Botox here, you want it there…..and then you want XYZ……and then it never seems to end. Where the FUCK is the finish line?—- Is it in my fucking head? Great, it is. Ok, that’s fucking awesome. And you know what???? Shit, man……..I’m fucking PMS’ing! My hormones be all whacked out, so my highs and lows feel ultra amplified right now. And this, too, shall pass— because it always does, every month, but FUCK, do I forget about it!!! Good times.

And I don’t want to go into my stressors and anxiety because I don’t want to feed it. I’m gonna starve that little biznatch, but she a hungry-ass biznatch! NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!! I will mention this, I picked a little at my face. The biznatch anxiety thought it might be a good idea to sabotage an opportunity—- fucking whore bitch. She didn’t win though because I stopped her from getting out of hand. Ya’ll, I love how I talk about myself in third person. Awesome.

And guess what else??? Because I was an anxious fuck tonight, Donnie was anxious! Fuck me. I don’t want my shitty energy to rub off on him. I need like a sealant of some kind, so my poop energy will stay in my circle and not infect Donnie. Yeah, I’ll work on developing something like that.

Oh, and another thing—- I’ll focus on something GOOD!!! Kahlua is feeling MUCH better!!!! Yay!!! Ya’ll, I’m soooooo relieved! I was super scared!!!! On day 8 of her recovery (that was yesterday, Monday, 10/5), she had a solid poop! Ya’ll, that’s fucking awesome! She’s had semi-solid poops thereafter. I know, ya’ll!—- I be talking about poo! You’ll be fine. However, Kahlua has this fetish of eating rocks which is absolutely terrifying to me!!! She’s actually trying to eat the old poop that’s on the rocks……sooooo fucking gross! Dude, I don’t want her teeth crumbling inside her mouth from noshing on freggin’ rocks! It just creeps me out to no ends. So, now, I have to pay special attention when I let her outside to potty— to make sure she doesn’t snarf down a couple pounds of rocks.

And, of course, writing is helping improve my mood and reduce my stress— making me less murdery.

And that is all. Hope your day was super fucking rad. Love ya’ll.