Self-care can mean a lot of things to me. For instance, I chose to snack on a bowl of granola cereal instead of inhaling a HUGE Costco pumpkin-strudel muffin— that right there is damn self-care. Btw…..ALL 12 of those delicious muffins were supposed to go to Donnie’s teachers/Directors at his daycare tomorrow. Well, that was the fucking PLAN, until I discovered that Costco had double-charged me for these dang quiches and……and……well, I got fucking irritated and I was fucking HANGRY and those mouth-watering muffins were just fucking GLARING AT ME, saying, “Eat me! Pull off my little strudel crumble toppings and just stuff your face with my deliciousness!!!” OKAYYYYYY!!!!! OK, muffins! I will fucking EAT YOU!!! Yeah, I ate my feelings and they never tasted so damn good. And then, there were 11. Eleven fucking muffins. Now, this muffin blackout didn’t happen tonight, it happened earlier today around 4pm. Long story short, I’m giving 6 muffins to Donnie’s teachers/Directors…….and some cookies— I didn’t even TOUCH those cookies!— not a single one! I seriously only go to Costco when I’m hungry. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve been to Costco……crazy. You can do whatever is right for you and I’ll do whatever is right for me…….regarding this COVID stuff. I wear a mask because I do not have the luxury to NOT wear one. I CANNOT GET FUCKING GET SICK AND NEITHER CAN MY SON, DONNIE. PERIODT. Ok, let’s break off into small groups now.

I’ll start this one. So, what does self-care look like to you? Getting to bed at a decent time would be an excellent starting point for me. I’m a night owl and a forced morning person— that doesn’t jive well…..with my mental or physical health. I say to myself, “I just need some downtime for myself.”…….and then it’s 1am as I’m dicking around on my phone. Yes, downtime and “unwinding” is good…..it’s fine, but NOT getting ample sleep is NOT helping me…..it’s hurting me. Plus, I’ve got a little cold that I caught from Donnie and it’s slowing me down. I don’t feel HORRIBLE (sore throat, mainly), but I don’t feel super great either. Donnie caught a little funk from daycare last week…..I was thinking he would because it’s been 6 months since he’s been around all those cootified kids. Donnie had a runny nose and a tiny, sporadic cough and that was it— no fever. Donnie was all better in 1.5 days. Me, on the other hand…….yeah, my immune system is like, “FUCK YOU. We’re taking a break…..figure it the fuck out.” Fucking awesome. So, there’s THAT. Just ONE MORE great fucking reason as to why I should go to bed NOW.

I’ll stop blogging in 10 min. I took a shower tonight. That’s a good self-care activity. Dude, when my depression was in HIGH GEAR (years ago…..this was way before my son was born), I remember going probably 5 or 7 days without a shower. Yeah, RANK DANK. From age 16 to my thirties, most of it was a blur— I was drunk for most of that time period. This is NOT my first rodeo, regarding recovery. I’ve had time blocks of 6 years of sobriety; 3 years of sobriety and now THIS time around, I’ll have 4 years of sobriety come October 8, 2020, God willing. Seriously, I was just talking with a long-time friend over the phone tonight about what a fucking shit show my life has been prior to me getting pregnant with my son and of course, birthing my son. I moved here to Phoenix February 2011 and from then until October 7, 2016, my life was a fucking black hole of drunken misery and despair. I will gladly take scraping shit off my son’s walls over ANY day of my dark, shit hole past. But guess what??? I would not be here today if it weren’t for my dark, shit hold past.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES…….EVER. IT’S ALL ABOUT DIVINE TIMING.

“YOU FIND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR.” – GARY VAYNERCHUK

LOOK FOR LOVE. LOOK FOR PEACE. LOOK WITHIN YOURSELF AND FIND GOD. GOD IS WITHIN YOU. YOU ARE LOVE. YOU ARE LIGHT. YOU ARE PEACE. FEED YOUR SOUL GOODNESS AND GREAT THINGS WILL MATERIALIZE.

YOU ARE BLESSED AND I LOVE YOU.