You’re still drinking because alcohol is still working for you, in a fucked up way. You’re still drinking because you are too scared not to. You’re still drinking because you haven’t found a substantial replacement (ie: God / a higher power) for your liquid courage. Look, alcoholism is a soul sickness. If you’re still drinking it doesn’t mean you’re “weak”, it means you’re fucking sick— it means your soul is sick. And if you’re sober, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “strong”. Willpower has absolutely NOTHING to do with addiction and/or recovery.

Letting God into my heart saved me. God saved me by blessing me with my beautiful son. God also saved me by taking my son’s dad. Sometimes people have to die for others to live.

Nothing I say here will MAKE you get sober— that’s 100% your job. Sure, you might get inspired for 5 minutes to take some action and that’s great, but ultimately you are the ONLY one who can make that decision for yourself. The decision of whether you want to get sober and live a fucking awesome life or continue to drink to the bitter end. And that decision can be extremely hard for us alcoholics— believe me, I struggled with that decision for MANY years— it almost fucking KILLED me.

Going down a rabbit 🐰 hole 🕳 now….. I had a weird dream about my son’s father last night. I haven’t dreamed about him in awhile. I woke up a little after 3am; I sat up and I put my feet on the floor. I read an article about people who wake up around 3am and why that time is significant. I wake up around 3am VERY FREQUENTLY— could be spirit related or it could be my bladder….or both! Lol I already knew that 3am was a time when spirits were more active; however, what I learned from this article was the ACTION to take when you wake up at 3am. If you wake up around 3am, you’re supposed to sit up; put your feet on the floor and ask God what the message is He wants you to receive. You’re also supposed to write down everything you remember about your dream. I did all of this— I feverishly wrote down everything I could remember about my dream, even as tired as I was, I still did it. I didn’t get any “messages from God”, like I had expected. And maybe that was the problem— I had EXPECTATIONS for something miraculous to happen. Well, maybe it’s more abstract than that. From what I’ve experienced with spirit interactions (with my son’s dad), it’s definitely been abstract and I’ve often had to decode messages. It’s pretty cool though when you get that “Aaaaaaa-Haaa!” moment!

Back to the beginning of my blog about you’ll either get sober or you won’t. There are some alcoholics that refuse to get honest with themselves and will painfully lie to themselves saying, “I’m fine”, but in actuality, their life is a miserable existence and they are destined to die a drunk. There are some alcoholics that will fucking DIE from their disease. And then others will either be locked up in prison or mental institutions. But wait!!!— there’s more!!

Yes, there IS more!! There are others that fucking GET SOBER and live a fucking beautiful, badass life— like me!! Not everyone dies— it IS a choice. You can choose LIFE or DEATH. I choose LIFE. Is sobriety with it? HELL FUCKING YEAH, IT IS!! I have my son because I’m sober and if that’s not reason enough, then you can go eat a bag of dicks. Namaste, fuckers.