I JUST WATCHED THE PARIS HILTON DOCUMENTARY

I really thought it was going to go into more detail about the abuse she endured at that Provo nightmare of a school. I avoided watching it because I didn’t want it to trigger my PTSD. I did cry a bit though, but I’m glad it didn’t get too graphic explaining the abuse. When I hear others tell their story of abuse….especially if it’s a movie, I feel like I’m experiencing it right there with them. I also tend to absorb other people’s (people that I love or, am very close to) abuse and turn it into my own. For example, my son’s father grew up in a horribly abusive family and he also experienced trauma later on in his early adult life (extreme solitary confinement, etc). What stuck with me most were his stories of how his family life was— it absolutely broke my heart. No child should EVER, EVER, EVER have to suffer abuse like that. And if you’re that asshole parent that’s beating your kids because they accidentally spilled a glass of milk— FUCK YOU!! People who abuse kids should be burned alive. I’ll gladly douse them in gasoline and throw the lit match on their fucking evil face. Good fucking riddance. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

If anyone ever hurts my son, I’ll fucking kill them. Periodt. We are all just trying to get through life— everybody’s got their hidden shit— some make it look more graceful than others. Yep, Paris has played the ultimate character— it’s fucking crazy that she’s lasted 20 years without going absolutely crazy— or, becoming an alcoholic or drug addict. I’m really surprised that she’s not an addict (to drugs and alcohol). She’s an addict in other ways, of course…..addicted to money, attention, shopping……we ALL are addicted to so many things. Some people handle their addictions better than others. Kinda depend what your addiction is. Pretty hard to hide alcohol and drug addiction because after extensive abuse, your body looks like fucking shit. I was super skinny during most of my addiction/alcoholism, but my eyes were dead. I’ll never forget when my ex-husband told me, “Your eyes look black.” He was referencing a selfie I took just shortly after my relapse— I had 6 years sober prior.

There are so many stories I have. My mind has a hard time “shutting off”— I can relate to Paris about that. I’m VERY MUCH a night owl— but guess what??— I have to be a morning person, too, because I have a soon-to-be 3-year old little boy! Yep, I go to be around 2am, then wake up at 5:30am or 6am— that is NOT enough sleep— I’m completely aware of this. It’s become a habit to stay up late like this. And then i usually feel like fucking ass in the morning. But ohhhh the fuck well— that’s why there’s fucking coffee!!

I seriously have got to get to bed now— gotta SUPER BIG, IMPORTANT day tomorrow and gotta drop Donnie off at daycare bright and early. Still sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with Kahlua— I’ll sleep down her until I feel like she’s 💯 better.

Love y’all. 🖤