Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”
Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”
And I thought 2 weeks ago was bad. Ohhhhhh, fuck no. TODAY took the cake—- the big, horrible FUCK YOU CAKE. I was the most horrible person today to my son and I feel like complete SHIT. COMPLETE SHIT. You know when you’re being a dick and you say one shitty, snide comment and then you just don’t want to stop because you’re so mad???? Well, that’s kinda how it went down today. I mean DOOOOOWN. I turned off my phone all day because I felt so guilty about how I acted.
I’m writing because it’s the only thing I have energy for— and I barely have enough energy to write. Nobody told me it was going to be like this. I’m not complaining— I’m just telling you where I’m at. I’ve been breastfeeding my son for 3 years and 7 months and nobody prepared me for how my body would respond when I stopped breastfeeding— how could they? I didn’t even know the questions to ask…….
IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my
‼️I said EXACTLY THIS on Thursday, 11/26/20 (Thanksgiving).‼️
That shut them up real quick. Don’t fucking label my son.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong if my child does not want to talk to you. I’m HAPPY and PROUD that my son is hesitant to talk to “strangers”— that means he’s less likely to follow them inside a white van.
Earlier this evening I left a FB group I had recently joined. I did not like a post the Admin of the group posted— basically, she was making fun of people who believed in Jesus. She calls herself a witch— which is fine with me, but if you have a high-vibe group, IMO, it’s not very high-vibe to be dissing others’ beliefs. Just leave it alone. I like her, as a person….I just did not get a warm fuzzy feeling from her post. See, this morning, I posted a post in that group and I mentioned God. I believe
This applies to everyone…..single moms; moms that are either married or in a committed relationship; dads; grandparents; aunts; uncles……whatever you’d like to call yourself. I’m a mom— A FULL-TIME MOM. AND I’M A PROFESSIONAL. I’m a Designer, Writer and a licensed Mortgage Loan Officer. I fucking do it ALL, baby. And doing “it all” sometimes leaves me absolutely fucking depleted. Here’s the deal—
On Friday, I was at my son’s daycare, waiting to pick him up. Whilst practicing my 6 ft social distancing, I stood back behind the check-in front gate and that’s when I overheard THIS CONVERSATION between a son and his mom. Her son sadly said, “It was Halloween costume day!” And his mom quickly replied, “I didn’t know.”
Wow. That hurt! She just completely dismissed him. Didn’t know?? Jesus, there were signs plastered EVERYWHERE!! Slacker mom. Poor kid. Yeah, she had
“I don’t know how you do it.” — I can’t tell you how many times people have said this to me. You know how I do it?— I think of my son and what he needs to have a beautiful, great life. Everything I do, I do it for Donnie. Donnie inspires me to be my best self— how cool is that? 🖤 Had to take a break there— Kahlua just peed on the carpet!! Wtf?? When I let her out to
I just finished watching a documentary about The Law of Attraction. And I thought I knew what it was, but I learned some interesting stuff tonight. The Universe mirrors our beliefs about ourselves. So, if I feel unworthy or that I don’t deserve a good paying career; love; peace or happiness— then guess what??— that’s EXACTLY what I’ll get. It was pretty recently when I’ve truly stepped into my own power and TRULY believed that I’m worthy of ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE. I’m worthy of making good money; I’m worthy of love; I’m worthy of being loved— I’m a damn awesome mom to my son; I’m fucking creative as shit and I’m fucking hilarious. Seriously, I’ve really just said a big
Dude, I’m working like a maniac— have to get a lot of shit done— it’s crunch-time. And this 101 construction noise is making me absolutely fucking crazy(er)!!!! I have Misophonia. Misophonia which is a disorder in which certain sounds trigger emotional or physiological responses that…….
“I’m looking for a relationship.....HOWEVER, based on my experience here, in Match Hell, I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from either becoming a cat lady or a full-on lesbian. And if you’re thinking, “Hell yeah! Girl on girl action! That’s HOT!”......please, spare me. Believe me, sir, I’ve been there, done that and have the effing tshirt.
I’m not looking for a PenPal, but I’m definitely not looking to rush into things. If you’re expecting me to
Parenting is damn hard— and I’m damn good at it. I really wasn’t sure if i had a maternal instinct— this feeling goes back to when I was a child, my sister always loved babies— she was obsessed with them….not in a “bad” way. She just had this overwhelming urge to take care of babies and kids. She absolutely loved babysitting. I, did not. I only babysat for the money. I really wasn’t sure if I’d ever have kids. I knew that having kids was something expected, but the thought of having kids scared the bejesus out of me. Being responsible for another human life— whoa….heavy shit.
Gary V says that every bit of your content should add value. I agree, but….here’s the but…..sometimes my content is just random thoughts….like right now— I mean, it’s a blog.i watched a movie tonight called “Puncture”. I was a bit concerned because it said “Lawyer battles his own inner demons”…..that attorney was a drug addict. That attorney died at the end…..I knew he would. He was shooting up heroin; doing coke; pills; drinking…..it was hard to watch him, but it was a good movie— good acting and well directed. Seeing him lie there, dead….dead on his bed…..did not feel good. That’s where my son’s dad was found dead— dead in his bed. He lying there dead for almost 2 days before
If I talk to you over the phone, know that you are special to me and I value you. I let VERY FEW people in my world because this is boy safe place— my home, my mind and my son are scared. I had a great conversation with one of my friends tonight— she’s bomb. I love talking depth and soul— and add some dark humor in there to keep us from not stabbing people with a fork (ok, maybe that’s just me).
We spoke about whether this world we live in is a matrix. At first, I was like
When I lived in Atlanta, I would ride Marta to work. I worked downtown in a gorgeous building that overlooked Centennial Park— it was beautiful….so peaceful. Now, if you’ve never ridden Marta, it’s like Chicago’s L, but a smaller transit system— it’s a Subway. This was 14 years ago, so Marta (hopefully) has grown. Anyways, I’ve had my fair share of strange encounters with Marta’s finest, but this one dude sticks out in my head from all the rest. Here’s the story….
I’ve had a range of emotions today. My day was really going great and then earlier this evening Kahlua straight-up peed on the rug downstairs. WTF?? She hasn’t peed on the carpet like that since she was 6 months old!— when I first got her!! I let her out like a million times, so I don’t know what happened. Maybe she just really
