I ALWAYS LET DONNIE KNOW THAT I’M HIS “SAFE PLACE”

Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”

Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”

Donnie kept shaking his head NO.

He did not want to hug her.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt.

Well, gram did know know how to deal with those feelings of his. How to just “sit” with him. So, she proceeded to nervously “fill the space” with words about HER, saying, “Gram is flying back to her home in Minneapolis tomorrow, but I’ll be back soon to visit! Would you like that?” Donnie was hiding behind me and he didn’t want anything to do with Gram. She was completely dismissing his topic of discussion. 

She COMPLETELY pummeled over Donnie’s reason for coming into her room. She completely dismissed Donnie and his feelings. She didn’t make it a safe space for him to share his feelings. 

I recognized this right away. I saw Donnie literally SHRINKING behind me, so I said to Donnie, “Donnie, that was a brave thing for you to do— to share your feelings with Gram. This is a safe place for you to share your feelings. Ok?”

Gram looked dumbfounded. She whispered to me, “Can I just tell him night night?” I said, “No.”

Ugh….it’s so irritating that she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions and she just wants to skirt them under the rug. Fucking RUDE! 

It takes A LOT for a child (even an adult) to open up and become vulnerable with someone else. I ALWAYS let Donnie know that I’m his “safe place”— that it’s safe for him to open up to me and be vulnerable. I won’t change the subject. I won’t say anything if he doesn’t want me to. I’ll “just be” with him. I’ll be there in whatever capacity he needs me to be there for him. I love you so much, Donnie. ❤️❤️❤️