I ALWAYS LET DONNIE KNOW THAT I’M HIS “SAFE PLACE”

Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”

Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”

Donnie kept shaking his head NO.

He did not want to hug her.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt.

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR TODDLER ABOUT GOD AND METAPHYSICS

I don’t do traditional— that’s not my style. I do REAL LIFE. I teach my son that

GOD IS REAL

ENERGY NEVER DIES

LOVE NEVER DIES

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

LIFE IS MULTIDIMENSIONAL

IT’S OK TO HAVE FEELINGS— and that I’ll always be his safe place.

IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'LL MAKE TIME FOR IT

IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my

DON’T FUCKING LABEL MY SON

‼️I said EXACTLY THIS on Thursday, 11/26/20 (Thanksgiving).‼️

That shut them up real quick. Don’t fucking label my son.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong if my child does not want to talk to you. I’m HAPPY and PROUD that my son is hesitant to talk to “strangers”— that means he’s less likely to follow them inside a white van.

Seriously. Fucking stop it.

‼️ I think being selective in who

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD

On Friday, I was at my son’s daycare, waiting to pick him up. Whilst practicing my 6 ft social distancing, I stood back behind the check-in front gate and that’s when I overheard THIS CONVERSATION between a son and his mom. Her son sadly said, “It was Halloween costume day!” And his mom quickly replied, “I didn’t know.”

Wow. That hurt! She just completely dismissed him. Didn’t know?? Jesus, there were signs plastered EVERYWHERE!! Slacker mom. Poor kid. Yeah, she had

HERE’S WHAT MY MATCH PROFILE SAYS

“I’m looking for a relationship.....HOWEVER, based on my experience here, in Match Hell, I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from either becoming a cat lady or a full-on lesbian. And if you’re thinking, “Hell yeah! Girl on girl action! That’s HOT!”......please, spare me. Believe me, sir, I’ve been there, done that and have the effing tshirt.

I’m not looking for a PenPal, but I’m definitely not looking to rush into things. If you’re expecting me to

IT DOESN’T MATTER

GRATITUDEMichelle WilliamsOctober 24, 2020love, patience, good parent, live life, sober, sober adventures, how to stay sober, sobriety, parenting in sobriety, parent, grateful, spiritual growth, blessed, emotional sobriety, mental health

GOOD CONVERSATIONS WITH GOOD PEOPLE

If I talk to you over the phone, know that you are special to me and I value you. I let VERY FEW people in my world because this is boy safe place— my home, my mind and my son are scared. I had a great conversation with one of my friends tonight— she’s bomb. I love talking depth and soul— and add some dark humor in there to keep us from not stabbing people with a fork (ok, maybe that’s just me).

We spoke about whether this world we live in is a matrix. At first, I was like

GRATITUDE

I’ve had a range of emotions today. My day was really going great and then earlier this evening Kahlua straight-up peed on the rug downstairs. WTF?? She hasn’t peed on the carpet like that since she was 6 months old!— when I first got her!! I let her out like a million times, so I don’t know what happened. Maybe she just really

TALKING TO THE DEAD: PART 2

I think I’m so Hell bent on communicating with my son’s dad because I want some answers; I want him to apologize for all the shit I found out after his death; I want him to say how sorry he is for hurting me; I want him to see how beautiful our son is and I want some fucking closure. This PTSD shit is bullshit. No, I have not gotten therapy to directly deal with this— I’m scared to— I don’t want them to make it worse. Meaning, they open up the hole and I’m not able to shut it/heal it. I’ve been doing therapy since I was 16-years old— I honestly don’t know what other different kind of methods they’d try— I feel like I’ve tried them all. Yes, I recognize my close-mindedness and resistance right now— it’s an excuse for me to not seek treatment.

I attempted to contact my son’s dad again tonight — I even put on his favorite

A LIL TURD SLIPPED OUT

I was bathing Donnie tonight and during his bath, he quickly stood up and told me he wanted to get out— LIKE NOW. The sense of urgency was almost a panic and Donnie’s eyes just about bugged out of his head!

And then, it happened. A lil turd 💩 slipped out of Donnie’s butt and plopped into the tub!! Dude! I was surprised, but not too surprised because I didn’t think he had a loop at daycare, so it was just a matter of time. And apparently, NOW was the time. I’d like to say that I calmly lifted him

SHOWING UP AND HOLDING YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE EVEN IF THE SHIT HITS THE FAN (LITERALLY)

I don’t FEEL like writing tonight, but guess what?—- I am because I made a commitment to myself (and to you) to write daily blogs. I’ve LITERALLY had a very shitty day. My pup, Kahlua, is sick. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with her. She’s having TONS of mucus-covered diarrhea……I know, sounds DELISH, huh? The shit storm started bright and early at 6am and Kahlua diarrhead all over herself, the hardwood floor in the kitchen and ALL over the blue rug in the living room. Cleaning and scrubbing up diarrhea is NOT fun. My pup will be 16-years old this Halloween (10/31/20) and I’m very worried about her. I don’t want to write too much of my fear here because I don’t want to conjure anything and have my fears come true. I was JUST writing about that yesterday…….shit, it could have been today…….who knows…..my brain is covered in poo today. I was telling a friend that even my

I'M SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE A HEALTHY CHILD

I’m so grateful to have such a healthy child. Donnie hardly ever gets sick and if he does get a bug, it’s literally gone in 1.5 days! Donnie will be 3-years old on November 9, 2020 and he’s had a fever like twice in his life! Donnie got a tiny bug at daycare 2 weeks ago (just runny nose and a tiny, sporadic cough) and I caught it from him a few days later. Shit, man, I’m STILL fucking sick!!! Lol— goin’ on day 8 now. Ugh…..well, I have a severely chronic bacterial sinus infection that’s been a stage 4 clinger for the past 4 fucking years. Whenever I get the slightest bug, my sinuses flare up (even more than they are “normally”) and I’m down for the count for like 2 weeks. It fucking sucks. That’s why I like quarantine so much— I don’t see fucking ANYONE and I’m perfectly content. Ahhhhh, isolation, I love you.

I digress…..back to me being grateful for my son’s pristine health. I was scrolling through

I JUST CAN’T TODAY

Do y’all ever have those days where everything just seems to take 18 times as long as “normal”?? Fuck…..it’s been one of those days. Donnie took a late nap, then, of course, he got up late. And guess what that means??— yep, he got to bed late…..like laaaaaaate. I think it was close to 10pm when he went to sleep. Ugh….toddlers need a ton of sleep— I’m well aware of this, but sometimes your nights just don’t go as planned. And you know what??— that’s fucking OK. Of course, it’s OK NOW— now that

RABBIT HOLES AND WHATNOT

So, Donnie has been going to daycare for the past 2 weeks— he’s been going 3 days a week right now. My fucking PLAN was to spend most of this “free time” (there’s no free time when you’re a single mom, btw) looking for a Mortgage Loan Officer job and guess what???— that hasn’t happened because I’ve been sick all this week. I’m just feeling frustrated because I have so much stuff to do in a short amount of time— meaning getting all my shit done whilst Donnie is in daycare. Dude, I could give you a ton of examples of all the shit I have to do, but I’ll spare you the drama! lol I guess I just need a hug!!! Awwww! lol Seriously, though…..a hug from a person I love (other than my son) would be nice right about now.

I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WATCH THIS

I absolutely cannot watch movies that involve children getting hurt or killed— it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I now understand why my parents (especially my mom) used to get so worried when I didn’t come home for curfew— this was when I was in high school. Because they thought that I could be fucking DEAD!!!! I totally get that now!!— now that I’m a parent!