I ALWAYS LET DONNIE KNOW THAT I’M HIS “SAFE PLACE”

Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”

Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”

Donnie kept shaking his head NO.

He did not want to hug her.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt.

NOBODY TOLD ME IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS

I’m writing because it’s the only thing I have energy for— and I barely have enough energy to write. Nobody told me it was going to be like this. I’m not complaining— I’m just telling you where I’m at. I’ve been breastfeeding my son for 3 years and 7 months and nobody prepared me for how my body would respond when I stopped breastfeeding— how could they? I didn’t even know the questions to ask…….

IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'LL MAKE TIME FOR IT

IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my

DON’T FUCKING LABEL MY SON

‼️I said EXACTLY THIS on Thursday, 11/26/20 (Thanksgiving).‼️

That shut them up real quick. Don’t fucking label my son.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong if my child does not want to talk to you. I’m HAPPY and PROUD that my son is hesitant to talk to “strangers”— that means he’s less likely to follow them inside a white van.

Seriously. Fucking stop it.

‼️ I think being selective in who

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD

On Friday, I was at my son’s daycare, waiting to pick him up. Whilst practicing my 6 ft social distancing, I stood back behind the check-in front gate and that’s when I overheard THIS CONVERSATION between a son and his mom. Her son sadly said, “It was Halloween costume day!” And his mom quickly replied, “I didn’t know.”

Wow. That hurt! She just completely dismissed him. Didn’t know?? Jesus, there were signs plastered EVERYWHERE!! Slacker mom. Poor kid. Yeah, she had

HERE’S WHAT MY MATCH PROFILE SAYS

“I’m looking for a relationship.....HOWEVER, based on my experience here, in Match Hell, I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from either becoming a cat lady or a full-on lesbian. And if you’re thinking, “Hell yeah! Girl on girl action! That’s HOT!”......please, spare me. Believe me, sir, I’ve been there, done that and have the effing tshirt.

I’m not looking for a PenPal, but I’m definitely not looking to rush into things. If you’re expecting me to

I TRIED REALLY HARD NOT TO CRY

Gary V says that every bit of your content should add value. I agree, but….here’s the but…..sometimes my content is just random thoughts….like right now— I mean, it’s a blog.i watched a movie tonight called “Puncture”. I was a bit concerned because it said “Lawyer battles his own inner demons”…..that attorney was a drug addict. That attorney died at the end…..I knew he would. He was shooting up heroin; doing coke; pills; drinking…..it was hard to watch him, but it was a good movie— good acting and well directed. Seeing him lie there, dead….dead on his bed…..did not feel good. That’s where my son’s dad was found dead— dead in his bed. He lying there dead for almost 2 days before

GRATITUDE

I’ve had a range of emotions today. My day was really going great and then earlier this evening Kahlua straight-up peed on the rug downstairs. WTF?? She hasn’t peed on the carpet like that since she was 6 months old!— when I first got her!! I let her out like a million times, so I don’t know what happened. Maybe she just really

GOOD THINGS

Good things come to those that have an insane work ethic and are persistent as fuck.

I got some EXCELLENT news today on something that I’ve been working on for over 3.5 years. Details to come. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

WHEN PAIN DISTORTS YOUR REALITY

This is a 2 part pain blog. Tonight, I started my period tonight and I feel like fuck right now. I hurt (cramps); I feel absolutely exhausted— I feel like a bloated, soggy tater-tot, dipped in ketchup. My PMSing starts about 2 weeks before my period, so my emotions tend to be super intense during that time.

It was pretty recently that I discovered how much my PMS affects my mindset. I’m not moody like a teenager….it’s more of an overall “mood” of anxiety and depression that I tend to get when I’m PMSing (and whilst on my period). I really thought I was going crazy and that my depression and anxiety were getting WORSE. And then I started to realize the patterns of my

A LIL TURD SLIPPED OUT

I was bathing Donnie tonight and during his bath, he quickly stood up and told me he wanted to get out— LIKE NOW. The sense of urgency was almost a panic and Donnie’s eyes just about bugged out of his head!

And then, it happened. A lil turd 💩 slipped out of Donnie’s butt and plopped into the tub!! Dude! I was surprised, but not too surprised because I didn’t think he had a loop at daycare, so it was just a matter of time. And apparently, NOW was the time. I’d like to say that I calmly lifted him

IT’S MEME TIME

I decided to write my own memes. It’s fun and scary— I love to write, but I’m also scared that some of my memes will “flop”. And guess what?? That’s a part of the process— for EVERYTHING in life. You try; you do well; you don’t do so well; you fall down; you get back up; you succeed! Everything is a process and we must go through it to get to that SWEET SPOT. So, sure, some memes will flop, but some (hopefully most!!) will do great! And I’ve got a lot of positive responses from them so far! I just started posting my original memes today!

That bullshit thought in my head is

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION

They said— “You need to leave him— he’s no good for you.” “He’s a drunk. You can do better.” “Move on with your life— forget about him.” “You’re going to die if you stay with him.”

It doesn’t matter what you think about my relationship with the man I love. I followed my heart. I followed my intuition. And because of that, I now have my son. I knew for a fact that I