I ALWAYS LET DONNIE KNOW THAT I’M HIS “SAFE PLACE”

Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”

Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”

Donnie kept shaking his head NO.

He did not want to hug her.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt.

TODAY I WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE PERSON

And I thought 2 weeks ago was bad. Ohhhhhh, fuck no. TODAY took the cake—- the big, horrible FUCK YOU CAKE. I was the most horrible person today to my son and I feel like complete SHIT. COMPLETE SHIT. You know when you’re being a dick and you say one shitty, snide comment and then you just don’t want to stop because you’re so mad???? Well, that’s kinda how it went down today. I mean DOOOOOWN. I turned off my phone all day because I felt so guilty about how I acted.

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR TODDLER ABOUT GOD AND METAPHYSICS

I don’t do traditional— that’s not my style. I do REAL LIFE. I teach my son that

GOD IS REAL

ENERGY NEVER DIES

LOVE NEVER DIES

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

LIFE IS MULTIDIMENSIONAL

IT’S OK TO HAVE FEELINGS— and that I’ll always be his safe place.

IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'LL MAKE TIME FOR IT

IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my

DON’T FUCKING LABEL MY SON

‼️I said EXACTLY THIS on Thursday, 11/26/20 (Thanksgiving).‼️

That shut them up real quick. Don’t fucking label my son.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong if my child does not want to talk to you. I’m HAPPY and PROUD that my son is hesitant to talk to “strangers”— that means he’s less likely to follow them inside a white van.

Seriously. Fucking stop it.

‼️ I think being selective in who

THINGS COME AND THINGS GO

Earlier this evening I left a FB group I had recently joined. I did not like a post the Admin of the group posted— basically, she was making fun of people who believed in Jesus. She calls herself a witch— which is fine with me, but if you have a high-vibe group, IMO, it’s not very high-vibe to be dissing others’ beliefs. Just leave it alone. I like her, as a person….I just did not get a warm fuzzy feeling from her post. See, this morning, I posted a post in that group and I mentioned God. I believe

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD

On Friday, I was at my son’s daycare, waiting to pick him up. Whilst practicing my 6 ft social distancing, I stood back behind the check-in front gate and that’s when I overheard THIS CONVERSATION between a son and his mom. Her son sadly said, “It was Halloween costume day!” And his mom quickly replied, “I didn’t know.”

Wow. That hurt! She just completely dismissed him. Didn’t know?? Jesus, there were signs plastered EVERYWHERE!! Slacker mom. Poor kid. Yeah, she had

DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES

“I don’t know how you do it.” — I can’t tell you how many times people have said this to me. You know how I do it?— I think of my son and what he needs to have a beautiful, great life. Everything I do, I do it for Donnie. Donnie inspires me to be my best self— how cool is that? 🖤 Had to take a break there— Kahlua just peed on the carpet!! Wtf?? When I let her out to

HERE’S WHAT MY MATCH PROFILE SAYS

“I’m looking for a relationship.....HOWEVER, based on my experience here, in Match Hell, I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from either becoming a cat lady or a full-on lesbian. And if you’re thinking, “Hell yeah! Girl on girl action! That’s HOT!”......please, spare me. Believe me, sir, I’ve been there, done that and have the effing tshirt.

I’m not looking for a PenPal, but I’m definitely not looking to rush into things. If you’re expecting me to

IT DOESN’T MATTER

GRATITUDEMichelle WilliamsOctober 24, 2020love, patience, good parent, live life, sober, sober adventures, how to stay sober, sobriety, parenting in sobriety, parent, grateful, spiritual growth, blessed, emotional sobriety, mental health

GOOD CONVERSATIONS WITH GOOD PEOPLE

If I talk to you over the phone, know that you are special to me and I value you. I let VERY FEW people in my world because this is boy safe place— my home, my mind and my son are scared. I had a great conversation with one of my friends tonight— she’s bomb. I love talking depth and soul— and add some dark humor in there to keep us from not stabbing people with a fork (ok, maybe that’s just me).

We spoke about whether this world we live in is a matrix. At first, I was like

GRATITUDE

I’ve had a range of emotions today. My day was really going great and then earlier this evening Kahlua straight-up peed on the rug downstairs. WTF?? She hasn’t peed on the carpet like that since she was 6 months old!— when I first got her!! I let her out like a million times, so I don’t know what happened. Maybe she just really

GOOD THINGS

Good things come to those that have an insane work ethic and are persistent as fuck.

I got some EXCELLENT news today on something that I’ve been working on for over 3.5 years. Details to come. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

TALKING TO THE DEAD: PART 3--- CONTACT!!!

I tried communicating with my son’s dad earlier last night, but no dice. So, I watched some tv, which I rarely do…..to try and “relax”. I had been up for awhile, so I decided to go to bed since it was almost 2am. I was sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with Kahlua (she’s still not 100% feeling better). I had my cat next to me and was snuggling with her, petting her. Then, my cat’s eyes started getting HUGE and her eyes were following something around the room. “Something” was hovering…….

TALKING TO THE DEAD: PART 2

I think I’m so Hell bent on communicating with my son’s dad because I want some answers; I want him to apologize for all the shit I found out after his death; I want him to say how sorry he is for hurting me; I want him to see how beautiful our son is and I want some fucking closure. This PTSD shit is bullshit. No, I have not gotten therapy to directly deal with this— I’m scared to— I don’t want them to make it worse. Meaning, they open up the hole and I’m not able to shut it/heal it. I’ve been doing therapy since I was 16-years old— I honestly don’t know what other different kind of methods they’d try— I feel like I’ve tried them all. Yes, I recognize my close-mindedness and resistance right now— it’s an excuse for me to not seek treatment.

I attempted to contact my son’s dad again tonight — I even put on his favorite

A LIL TURD SLIPPED OUT

I was bathing Donnie tonight and during his bath, he quickly stood up and told me he wanted to get out— LIKE NOW. The sense of urgency was almost a panic and Donnie’s eyes just about bugged out of his head!

And then, it happened. A lil turd 💩 slipped out of Donnie’s butt and plopped into the tub!! Dude! I was surprised, but not too surprised because I didn’t think he had a loop at daycare, so it was just a matter of time. And apparently, NOW was the time. I’d like to say that I calmly lifted him

THIS IS WHAT LIFE’S ALL ABOUT

We had SUCH an awesome Monday! Donnie and I went out for a BIG ADVENTURE to Old Navy!! Whooo hooo! We haven’t been to a clothing store in 8 months!! Donnie has an absolute BLAST! I’m telling, ya, THIS is what life is ALL ABOUT!! — Spending quality time with my son whilst he’s having a blast dancing to the blues music at Old Navy! I love this little guy so much, y’all. My heart is filled with so much joy and love. I’m so blessed and so grateful God gave me such a perfect child. Thank you, God. Thank you.

Here are a couple videos from our outing today! Enjoy!

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION

They said— “You need to leave him— he’s no good for you.” “He’s a drunk. You can do better.” “Move on with your life— forget about him.” “You’re going to die if you stay with him.”

It doesn’t matter what you think about my relationship with the man I love. I followed my heart. I followed my intuition. And because of that, I now have my son. I knew for a fact that I

SHOWING UP AND HOLDING YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE EVEN IF THE SHIT HITS THE FAN (LITERALLY)

I don’t FEEL like writing tonight, but guess what?—- I am because I made a commitment to myself (and to you) to write daily blogs. I’ve LITERALLY had a very shitty day. My pup, Kahlua, is sick. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with her. She’s having TONS of mucus-covered diarrhea……I know, sounds DELISH, huh? The shit storm started bright and early at 6am and Kahlua diarrhead all over herself, the hardwood floor in the kitchen and ALL over the blue rug in the living room. Cleaning and scrubbing up diarrhea is NOT fun. My pup will be 16-years old this Halloween (10/31/20) and I’m very worried about her. I don’t want to write too much of my fear here because I don’t want to conjure anything and have my fears come true. I was JUST writing about that yesterday…….shit, it could have been today…….who knows…..my brain is covered in poo today. I was telling a friend that even my

I'M SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE A HEALTHY CHILD

I’m so grateful to have such a healthy child. Donnie hardly ever gets sick and if he does get a bug, it’s literally gone in 1.5 days! Donnie will be 3-years old on November 9, 2020 and he’s had a fever like twice in his life! Donnie got a tiny bug at daycare 2 weeks ago (just runny nose and a tiny, sporadic cough) and I caught it from him a few days later. Shit, man, I’m STILL fucking sick!!! Lol— goin’ on day 8 now. Ugh…..well, I have a severely chronic bacterial sinus infection that’s been a stage 4 clinger for the past 4 fucking years. Whenever I get the slightest bug, my sinuses flare up (even more than they are “normally”) and I’m down for the count for like 2 weeks. It fucking sucks. That’s why I like quarantine so much— I don’t see fucking ANYONE and I’m perfectly content. Ahhhhh, isolation, I love you.

I digress…..back to me being grateful for my son’s pristine health. I was scrolling through