I ALWAYS LET DONNIE KNOW THAT I’M HIS “SAFE PLACE”

Tonight, my son wanted to tell his gram that he misses his dad. Donnie’s gram (my mom) has been staying with us for the past week. She flew in last Thursday from Minneapolis for Donnie’s 4th birthday (November 9, 2021)— she’s flying back to MN on 11/11. And then Donnie wanted me to come with him to gram’s bedroom, so he could tell her (with me by his side for extra encouragement/support). ❤️❤️❤️ Donnie stopped at gram’s bedroom doorway and said to her, “Gram, I miss my dad.”

Gram responded with, “Oh, I’m sorry, can I give you a hug? Can I hug you?”

Donnie kept shaking his head NO.

He did not want to hug her.

He just wanted to tell her how he felt.

IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU'LL MAKE TIME FOR IT

IT’S ABOUT MAKING MY SOBRIETY A TOP PRIORITY. IT’S ABOUT TAKING FUCKING ACTION. So, tonight I went to an online zoom AA meeting— I had to— I needed to— I was sooo fucking irritated today. I did not want to continue being an asshole to my son. I’m just burnt the fuck out. I’m going to bed waaaaay too late, then I’m utterly exhausted when I wake up early the next morning. Yes, I KNOW I need to go to bed earlier…..BUT I want some downtime for myself. I want time to dick around on my

CONVERSATION OVERHEARD

On Friday, I was at my son’s daycare, waiting to pick him up. Whilst practicing my 6 ft social distancing, I stood back behind the check-in front gate and that’s when I overheard THIS CONVERSATION between a son and his mom. Her son sadly said, “It was Halloween costume day!” And his mom quickly replied, “I didn’t know.”

Wow. That hurt! She just completely dismissed him. Didn’t know?? Jesus, there were signs plastered EVERYWHERE!! Slacker mom. Poor kid. Yeah, she had

HERE’S WHAT MY MATCH PROFILE SAYS

“I’m looking for a relationship.....HOWEVER, based on my experience here, in Match Hell, I feel like I’m 2 seconds away from either becoming a cat lady or a full-on lesbian. And if you’re thinking, “Hell yeah! Girl on girl action! That’s HOT!”......please, spare me. Believe me, sir, I’ve been there, done that and have the effing tshirt.

I’m not looking for a PenPal, but I’m definitely not looking to rush into things. If you’re expecting me to

IT DOESN’T MATTER

GRATITUDEMichelle WilliamsOctober 24, 2020love, patience, good parent, live life, sober, sober adventures, how to stay sober, sobriety, parenting in sobriety, parent, grateful, spiritual growth, blessed, emotional sobriety, mental health

GOOD CONVERSATIONS WITH GOOD PEOPLE

If I talk to you over the phone, know that you are special to me and I value you. I let VERY FEW people in my world because this is boy safe place— my home, my mind and my son are scared. I had a great conversation with one of my friends tonight— she’s bomb. I love talking depth and soul— and add some dark humor in there to keep us from not stabbing people with a fork (ok, maybe that’s just me).

We spoke about whether this world we live in is a matrix. At first, I was like

TALKING TO THE DEAD: PART 3--- CONTACT!!!

I tried communicating with my son’s dad earlier last night, but no dice. So, I watched some tv, which I rarely do…..to try and “relax”. I had been up for awhile, so I decided to go to bed since it was almost 2am. I was sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with Kahlua (she’s still not 100% feeling better). I had my cat next to me and was snuggling with her, petting her. Then, my cat’s eyes started getting HUGE and her eyes were following something around the room. “Something” was hovering…….

STRESSING TODAY AND WHAT I'M DOING ABOUT IT

I’m really trying to make a conscious effort to NOT feed my anxiety, stress and fear, but it be HARD, yo! Ugh……I totally felt like curling up in a little ball today on my bed and sleeping for 4 hours, but that’s just a fantasy. Instead, I worked on web/creative projects all day, but my mind felt like it was 18 million miles away. I felt so distracted, anxious and I couldn’t focus. I swear, I felt like I was

ENERGY IS CONTAGIOUS

I’ve been in a good mood today….and guess who else is???— yep, Donnie is happy, too! I’m tellin’ ya— I took care of myself today emotionally and physically— and it FUCKING SHOWS!! Today was the first day in 3 weeks that I didn’t feel sick (well, my sinuses are always fucked, but I didn’t feel sick sick….like having a cold sick) and I didn’t have to run a million errands or clean like a maniac — and the big thing is that Kahlua is feeling better!!! I’m sooooo relieved!! She’s still having a little diarrhea, but if I’d stop feeding her little pieces of chicken, maybe she’d stop 💩💩💩. Logically, I’m aware that dogs can go several days without food, but emotionally, I can’t stand to NOT FEED HER ANYTHING FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS! Ugh…..I don’t want her to get too weak! I’m going to continue sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with her until she feels 💯% better. I’ve still got her gated off in the kitchen because I’m OVER cleaning up 💩 on the rugs. So, super great news about Kahlua! I’m EXTREMELY happy!!

Here’s the update on the water and dipe sitcho with Donnie at daycare:

WHAT MADE ME DECIDE TO GET SOBER?

I was just asked this question by a Sobermomlife follower a couple days ago, so I wanted to share my answer with you. I decided to get sober because my soul felt like it was dying. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually I was dying. Physically, my body was literally beat up.....after a fucked up night of drinking, I’d usually wake up with

LEARNING TO REST WHEN SICK

Dude, I’m sick. I’m not like sick sick, barfing, diarrhea sick— I have a sore throat, congestion, headache, super tired (not new!! Lol) and a bit achey. Donnie caught

WHAT DOES SELF-CARE LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

Self-care can mean a lot of things to me. For instance, I chose to snack on a bowl of granola cereal instead of inhaling a HUGE Costco pumpkin-strudel muffin— that right there is damn self-care. Btw…..ALL 12 of those delicious muffins were supposed to go to Donnie’s teachers/Directors at his daycare tomorrow. Well, that was the fucking PLAN, untiI

DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

Just recently, I was asked by a friend how I deal with my son’s dad’s death— meaning, what are some of my coping mechanisms that I use. Let me tell you, it’s been a long journey dealing with my son’s dad’s death and it has NOT been easy— it’s been fucking tough as fuck. I cried for 4 months solid after I found out about my son’s dad’s death— that totally fucked up my poor sinuses. And I didn’t want to cry so hard and so constantly because I was pregnant! I didn’t want my little baby to feel this pain I was feeling. But my child is perfect…..emotionally and physically— I’m so grateful and blessed for that. I’ve had 2 sinus surgeries in

BEYOND PISSED

I’m BEYOND pissed right now. I don’t care how long “we’ve been friends” or……more than friends, don’t fucking disrespect me and video call me when you’re drunk. He’s an active alcoholic right now. Fuck him. I’ve been through enough fucking shit with my son’s father……from him dying from his addiction and all the fucked up bullshit I went through with him when he was alive. FUCK THAT and the Goddamn horse you rode in on. And he didn’t even know my son’s name!!! REALLY???? You want to be

POETRY

I used to write a lot of poetry. I started writing poetry probably when I was about 15-years old. I would enter poetry contests…..it was really fun and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how much I loved writing. I have not been writing much (for pleasure) because……here comes the slew of excuses…..but they’re GOOD excuses! Listen! Depression, anxiety and just extreme exhaustion have been the monkeys on my back. Those bitches weigh me down and make me want to be mindLESS instead of mindFUL. Fuck those bitches. Writing is so therapeutic for me and I need a positive outlet for stress management…..especially now……a lot of