DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES

“I don’t know how you do it.” — I can’t tell you how many times people have said this to me. You know how I do it?— I think of my son and what he needs to have a beautiful, great life. Everything I do, I do it for Donnie. Donnie inspires me to be my best self— how cool is that? 🖤 Had to take a break there— Kahlua just peed on the carpet!! Wtf?? When I let her out to go potty, I think sometimes she just stands in front of the gate or sniffs around the whole time— and doesn’t even go pee!! She likes to hold it and go on my rugs. Fucking awesome. I’m just trying to chill down here…..dude!! This is literally the 3rd time EVER Kahlua has peed on the carpet/rug. She did once when she was 6 months old (when I first adopted her) and then the 2nd time she did it just recently— like in the last few weeks! Ugh….stressful!! I hope she’s ok!! 🙏🙏🙏

To get back to what I was saying— Donnie is my motivation for gettin’ shit done. I’ve been sick (again)— caught another bug from Donnie. I’ve been running a slight fever; coughing; hacking up phlegm…..I know, sexy. My sinuses are fucked, so whenever I get ANY KIND OF COOTIE, my sinuses say a big FUCK YOU to me. Donnie bounces back in like 15 seconds…..me, yeah, more like 15 days and I’m 60% better. Feeling like poo, I didn’t feel like working on this project, so I procrastinated. Then, come last night, it was crunch time! My motivation: Donnie. I worked solid from 8:30pm - 4:30am— fucking 8 hours!!! I was beyond tired. The project took a bit longer than I had anticipated, but I got it done. The smarter and healthier my choices are TODAY, the BETTER life I can provide my son. PERIODT. Yes, I was tired, but I pushed through it— the CORRECT ACTIONS will get me where I want to be— and I just thought about Donnie— how he needs a nice home to live in; food on the table; clothes on his back and a healthy mama. I’ll do whatever it takes to take care of my son— PERIODT.

IT’S NOT ABOUT ME— IT WAS NEVER ABOUT ME. I don’t give myself another option BUT to move forward. Obstacles happen, that’s life— today, I deal with them (most of them) head-on. That PTSD thing has got me tripped-up. I’m scared to get treatment for it because I’m afraid they’ll make it worse…..or, I’ll lose it after a session and pick my face off. I’m not saying those things will happen, but I’m using those as excuses. I’m going to pray about it.

I absolutely believe that hard work pays off— sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I do the fucking work, straight-up and I own my badassery. It’s very cool walking into my “power”— I almost feel like a super hero.