I really thought it was going to go into more detail about the abuse she endured at that Provo nightmare of a school. I avoided watching it because I didn’t want it to trigger my PTSD. I did cry a bit though, but I’m glad it didn’t get too graphic explaining the abuse. When I hear others tell their story of abuse….especially if it’s a movie, I feel like I’m experiencing it right there with them. I also tend to absorb other people’s (people that I love or, am very close to) abuse and turn it into my own. For example, my
Read MoreThis is a 2 part pain blog. Tonight, I started my period tonight and I feel like fuck right now. I hurt (cramps); I feel absolutely exhausted— I feel like a bloated, soggy tater-tot, dipped in ketchup. My PMSing starts about 2 weeks before my period, so my emotions tend to be super intense during that time.
It was pretty recently that I discovered how much my PMS affects my mindset. I’m not moody like a teenager….it’s more of an overall “mood” of anxiety and depression that I tend to get when I’m PMSing (and whilst on my period). I really thought I was going crazy and that my depression and anxiety were getting WORSE. And then I started to realize the patterns of my
Read MoreI tried communicating with my son’s dad earlier last night, but no dice. So, I watched some tv, which I rarely do…..to try and “relax”. I had been up for awhile, so I decided to go to bed since it was almost 2am. I was sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with Kahlua (she’s still not 100% feeling better). I had my cat next to me and was snuggling with her, petting her. Then, my cat’s eyes started getting HUGE and her eyes were following something around the room. “Something” was hovering…….
Read MoreI think I’m so Hell bent on communicating with my son’s dad because I want some answers; I want him to apologize for all the shit I found out after his death; I want him to say how sorry he is for hurting me; I want him to see how beautiful our son is and I want some fucking closure. This PTSD shit is bullshit. No, I have not gotten therapy to directly deal with this— I’m scared to— I don’t want them to make it worse. Meaning, they open up the hole and I’m not able to shut it/heal it. I’ve been doing therapy since I was 16-years old— I honestly don’t know what other different kind of methods they’d try— I feel like I’ve tried them all. Yes, I recognize my close-mindedness and resistance right now— it’s an excuse for me to not seek treatment.
I attempted to contact my son’s dad again tonight — I even put on his favorite
Read MoreI was talking to Donnie’s dad tonight and wrote down messages he was telling me. And then another spirit interrupted our conversation and said a couple weird things!! It was so weird!! I knew it wasn’t Donnie’s dad because he would have never said what I wrote down. Still, very strange.
I have saved all Donnie’s dad’s voicemails and voice memos; however, not too long after he died— it was either a week or 2, I got a phone call at 1:11am. “They” left a message. The message was
Read MoreI was bathing Donnie tonight and during his bath, he quickly stood up and told me he wanted to get out— LIKE NOW. The sense of urgency was almost a panic and Donnie’s eyes just about bugged out of his head!
And then, it happened. A lil turd 💩 slipped out of Donnie’s butt and plopped into the tub!! Dude! I was surprised, but not too surprised because I didn’t think he had a loop at daycare, so it was just a matter of time. And apparently, NOW was the time. I’d like to say that I calmly lifted him
Read MoreI’m really trying to make a conscious effort to NOT feed my anxiety, stress and fear, but it be HARD, yo! Ugh……I totally felt like curling up in a little ball today on my bed and sleeping for 4 hours, but that’s just a fantasy. Instead, I worked on web/creative projects all day, but my mind felt like it was 18 million miles away. I felt so distracted, anxious and I couldn’t focus. I swear, I felt like I was
Read MoreWe had SUCH an awesome Monday! Donnie and I went out for a BIG ADVENTURE to Old Navy!! Whooo hooo! We haven’t been to a clothing store in 8 months!! Donnie has an absolute BLAST! I’m telling, ya, THIS is what life is ALL ABOUT!! — Spending quality time with my son whilst he’s having a blast dancing to the blues music at Old Navy! I love this little guy so much, y’all. My heart is filled with so much joy and love. I’m so blessed and so grateful God gave me such a perfect child. Thank you, God. Thank you.
Here are a couple videos from our outing today! Enjoy!
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It doesn’t matter who the fuck they are— PROTECT YOUR SPACE. PERIODT. Because ain’t nobody gonna do that shit for you. You are responsible for your fine ass. I will not tolerate victim mentality from anyone. I will not allow myself to be manipulated anymore. The guilt trip thing doesn’t work anymore— yeah, it sometimes rattled my cage, but I don’t let it consume me.
Read MoreI decided to write my own memes. It’s fun and scary— I love to write, but I’m also scared that some of my memes will “flop”. And guess what?? That’s a part of the process— for EVERYTHING in life. You try; you do well; you don’t do so well; you fall down; you get back up; you succeed! Everything is a process and we must go through it to get to that SWEET SPOT. So, sure, some memes will flop, but some (hopefully most!!) will do great! And I’ve got a lot of positive responses from them so far! I just started posting my original memes today!
That bullshit thought in my head is
Read MoreThey said— “You need to leave him— he’s no good for you.” “He’s a drunk. You can do better.” “Move on with your life— forget about him.” “You’re going to die if you stay with him.”
It doesn’t matter what you think about my relationship with the man I love. I followed my heart. I followed my intuition. And because of that, I now have my son. I knew for a fact that I
Read MoreI’ve been in a good mood today….and guess who else is???— yep, Donnie is happy, too! I’m tellin’ ya— I took care of myself today emotionally and physically— and it FUCKING SHOWS!! Today was the first day in 3 weeks that I didn’t feel sick (well, my sinuses are always fucked, but I didn’t feel sick sick….like having a cold sick) and I didn’t have to run a million errands or clean like a maniac — and the big thing is that Kahlua is feeling better!!! I’m sooooo relieved!! She’s still having a little diarrhea, but if I’d stop feeding her little pieces of chicken, maybe she’d stop 💩💩💩. Logically, I’m aware that dogs can go several days without food, but emotionally, I can’t stand to NOT FEED HER ANYTHING FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS! Ugh…..I don’t want her to get too weak! I’m going to continue sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with her until she feels 💯% better. I’ve still got her gated off in the kitchen because I’m OVER cleaning up 💩 on the rugs. So, super great news about Kahlua! I’m EXTREMELY happy!!
Here’s the update on the water and dipe sitcho with Donnie at daycare:
Read MoreI don’t FEEL like writing tonight, but guess what?—- I am because I made a commitment to myself (and to you) to write daily blogs. I’ve LITERALLY had a very shitty day. My pup, Kahlua, is sick. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with her. She’s having TONS of mucus-covered diarrhea……I know, sounds DELISH, huh? The shit storm started bright and early at 6am and Kahlua diarrhead all over herself, the hardwood floor in the kitchen and ALL over the blue rug in the living room. Cleaning and scrubbing up diarrhea is NOT fun. My pup will be 16-years old this Halloween (10/31/20) and I’m very worried about her. I don’t want to write too much of my fear here because I don’t want to conjure anything and have my fears come true. I was JUST writing about that yesterday…….shit, it could have been today…….who knows…..my brain is covered in poo today. I was telling a friend that even my
Read MoreNo long post tonight. My pup, Kahlua, is not feeling well. I’m spending time with her right now— sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight, to be with her. I’m scared and I’m worried. I just saved myself and Kahlua. A prayer for her would be much appreciated. Thank you so much. Love y’all. ❤️
Read MoreI’m so grateful to have such a healthy child. Donnie hardly ever gets sick and if he does get a bug, it’s literally gone in 1.5 days! Donnie will be 3-years old on November 9, 2020 and he’s had a fever like twice in his life! Donnie got a tiny bug at daycare 2 weeks ago (just runny nose and a tiny, sporadic cough) and I caught it from him a few days later. Shit, man, I’m STILL fucking sick!!! Lol— goin’ on day 8 now. Ugh…..well, I have a severely chronic bacterial sinus infection that’s been a stage 4 clinger for the past 4 fucking years. Whenever I get the slightest bug, my sinuses flare up (even more than they are “normally”) and I’m down for the count for like 2 weeks. It fucking sucks. That’s why I like quarantine so much— I don’t see fucking ANYONE and I’m perfectly content. Ahhhhh, isolation, I love you.
I digress…..back to me being grateful for my son’s pristine health. I was scrolling through
Read MoreDo y’all ever have those days where everything just seems to take 18 times as long as “normal”?? Fuck…..it’s been one of those days. Donnie took a late nap, then, of course, he got up late. And guess what that means??— yep, he got to bed late…..like laaaaaaate. I think it was close to 10pm when he went to sleep. Ugh….toddlers need a ton of sleep— I’m well aware of this, but sometimes your nights just don’t go as planned. And you know what??— that’s fucking OK. Of course, it’s OK NOW— now that
Read MoreI was just asked this question by a Sobermomlife follower a couple days ago, so I wanted to share my answer with you. I decided to get sober because my soul felt like it was dying. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually I was dying. Physically, my body was literally beat up.....after a fucked up night of drinking, I’d usually wake up with
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Check out how I’m spending my Friday night!! 😮😮😮
😮 I called 911 on these drunk (and/or high) fuckers tonight. They crashed into the curb on the road in front of my home— they hopped the curb, took flight and blew out their front passenger tire.
We get a TON of drunks taking this sharp turn WAY too fast— this is not the first vehicle to wreck here.
Their vehicle was dangerously broken down right in the middle of the road— their vehicle could easily cause ANOTHER wreck sitting there like that!
⭐️ RESULTS SO FAR:
✅ Police Officers 👮♀️ arrived on
Read MoreSo, Donnie has been going to daycare for the past 2 weeks— he’s been going 3 days a week right now. My fucking PLAN was to spend most of this “free time” (there’s no free time when you’re a single mom, btw) looking for a Mortgage Loan Officer job and guess what???— that hasn’t happened because I’ve been sick all this week. I’m just feeling frustrated because I have so much stuff to do in a short amount of time— meaning getting all my shit done whilst Donnie is in daycare. Dude, I could give you a ton of examples of all the shit I have to do, but I’ll spare you the drama! lol I guess I just need a hug!!! Awwww! lol Seriously, though…..a hug from a person I love (other than my son) would be nice right about now.
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Dude, I’m sick. I’m not like sick sick, barfing, diarrhea sick— I have a sore throat, congestion, headache, super tired (not new!! Lol) and a bit achey. Donnie caught
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