Self-care can mean a lot of things to me. For instance, I chose to snack on a bowl of granola cereal instead of inhaling a HUGE Costco pumpkin-strudel muffin— that right there is damn self-care. Btw…..ALL 12 of those delicious muffins were supposed to go to Donnie’s teachers/Directors at his daycare tomorrow. Well, that was the fucking PLAN, untiI
Read MoreYou drank because you’re an alcoholic. That’s what we do. Who fucking cares the reason. Just fucking do it. Just fucking GET SOBER.
The more time we spend pondering WHY we drank (or WHY we are still drinking), the closer we are to fucking death. Period.
Look, you can go into depth about the whys and whatnot later....you do that in stepwork, but for now, just don’t fucking think.
That’s where we get ourselves into trouble— we think too fucking much.
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You’re still drinking because alcohol is still working for you, in a fucked up way. You’re still drinking because you are too scared not to. You’re still drinking because you haven’t found a substantial replacement (ie: God / a higher power) for your liquid courage. Look, alcoholism is a soul sickness. If you’re still drinking it doesn’t mean you’re “weak”, it means you’re fucking sick— it means your soul is sick. And if you’re sober, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “strong”. Willpower has absolutely NOTHING to do with addiction and/or recovery.
Read MoreI absolutely cannot watch movies that involve children getting hurt or killed— it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I now understand why my parents (especially my mom) used to get so worried when I didn’t come home for curfew— this was when I was in high school. Because they thought that I could be fucking DEAD!!!! I totally get that now!!— now that I’m a parent!
Read MoreJust recently, I was asked by a friend how I deal with my son’s dad’s death— meaning, what are some of my coping mechanisms that I use. Let me tell you, it’s been a long journey dealing with my son’s dad’s death and it has NOT been easy— it’s been fucking tough as fuck. I cried for 4 months solid after I found out about my son’s dad’s death— that totally fucked up my poor sinuses. And I didn’t want to cry so hard and so constantly because I was pregnant! I didn’t want my little baby to feel this pain I was feeling. But my child is perfect…..emotionally and physically— I’m so grateful and blessed for that. I’ve had 2 sinus surgeries in
Read MoreI’m BEYOND pissed right now. I don’t care how long “we’ve been friends” or……more than friends, don’t fucking disrespect me and video call me when you’re drunk. He’s an active alcoholic right now. Fuck him. I’ve been through enough fucking shit with my son’s father……from him dying from his addiction and all the fucked up bullshit I went through with him when he was alive. FUCK THAT and the Goddamn horse you rode in on. And he didn’t even know my son’s name!!! REALLY???? You want to be
Read MoreI used to write a lot of poetry. I started writing poetry probably when I was about 15-years old. I would enter poetry contests…..it was really fun and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how much I loved writing. I have not been writing much (for pleasure) because……here comes the slew of excuses…..but they’re GOOD excuses! Listen! Depression, anxiety and just extreme exhaustion have been the monkeys on my back. Those bitches weigh me down and make me want to be mindLESS instead of mindFUL. Fuck those bitches. Writing is so therapeutic for me and I need a positive outlet for stress management…..especially now……a lot of
Read MoreLet me tell you about dat shit. Ohhh, wait, there is nothing to tell. I was not ready to date anyone until the end of 2019. I have not dated anyone since my son’s father died on March 17, 2017. My list of what I want in a guy is Eeeeeee-normous and I’m perfectly OK with that. I signed up on
Read MoreThis is a tough topic for me to talk about because with it, I carry a lot of shame and embarrassment. If you’ve never heard of Self Harm / Self Injury, here’s what it is……..at least, here’s what it is for me. I’m going to shorten Self Injury by saying “SI”. So, SI is like cutting. Most people have heard of “cutters”…..people cutting themselves to relieve their extreme mental anguish. And yes, that’s what SI is to me. My main SI is
Read MoreI was reading something on social media saying that, “Relapse is a part of recovery.” NO. NO, it’s not. Relapse most certainly does not have to be a part of your recovery. I know tons of people in recovery who have not relapsed (as of yet). I say “yet” because I cannot see around their corners…..only God can do that. Relapse is a part of MY story and that has been MY path. There is not a ONE SIZE FITS ALL for recovery. What works for you, might not work for me or your sister, but it might work for your best friend.
I used to be sooooo super judgemental of
Read MoreI’m pretty sure I have body dysmorphia. My brain will often see a distorted physical view of my body. Meaning, I’ll think I’m fatter than I really am or I’ll think I look older than I really do. I’ll hone-in on my physical imperfections……or, at least what I perceive to be “imperfect”. I’m very aware that I spend too much time on analyzing my physical appearance.
Read MoreI watched a snippet of a video earlier tonight (I only watched a snippet because the dang video started off so fucking boring) and what the speaker talked about was staying in gratitude and what you put the most energy in will manifest. Sooooo……if I’m putting a lot of energy into being stressed and worried, then I’m going to be even MORE stressed and worried! Seriously, like 96.5% of the scenarios that go on in my head are fictional– they NEVER happen or HAVE happened or WILL happen. Fear is a little bitch and can go fuck itself.
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My sweet boy, Donnie– this is what it’s all about…..being a mom to my most precious boy. Donnie was born on Thursday, November 9, 2017 at 11:37am. Donnie was 7 lbs, 12 oz and 21.25” long. I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant when I gave birth to my son. Crazy because my OB was going to induce on November 10 or 11 (I forget which day) because I was having all-over
Read MoreI’m mentally tapped. Just fucking over it. It’s fucking hard being a single mom of a soon-to-be 3-year old little boy. And taking care of a soon-to-be 16-year old senior pup is fucking hard, too. I have to life up Kahlua’s back legs to help her get up if she’s lying down on the hardwood floor…..which is most of the time. And then she poops on herself most mornings. I have to bring her outside and wash her butt. I love my Kahlua more than anything and it pains me to see her grow old like this. I’m just tired, man. I have to get Donnie now. He’s such a good boy playing in his room. He’s wiping boogers on his door right now— hey, it’s not poop, so I’m good.
Read MoreAnd I just want to let you know that I stayed sober through this whole debacle. These things are EXACTLY what I’d drink over. I’d drink over stress and I’d drink over success. It really didn’t matter if I had an excuse or not. If you want something badly enough, you’ll find a way to get it. And that saying goes for sobriety, too. I don’t just
Read MoreHOWEVER…..even though I have my go-getter attitude, I’m not taking care of myself physically. I only got 4 hours of sleep last night– that is NOT enough sleep…..especially taking care of my soon-to-be 3-year old son, Donnie. Donnie is GO GO GO ENERGY……he’s non-stop and I gotta keep up with him. I WANT to keep up with him. I’m the mommy that gets on the floor with my child and hops around like a frog with him, saying, “RIBBIT! RIBBIT!” I love being actively involved with my son and I love playing with him, but when I’m super exhausted, I’m a wet blanket and crabby.
Read MoreDealing (or NOT dealing) with family in sobriety. Family is a HUGE trigger for me. Family can just irritate the shit out of me— they know where all my fucking buttons are— ugh…..annoying, BUT, I can either choose to let them get to me or not. Some days are better than others— meaning…
Read MoreAnxiety in sobriety is a bitch— it just is. And HOW do I deal with my anxiety in sobriety WITHOUT drinking?— here are a few things I do. I write. Blogging, texting, pen and paper— whatever you have available is fine— just GET IT OUT. Get out those fucked up thoughts in your end and put them “on paper”. My anxiety level ebbs and flows— sometimes I feel pretty….gasp, “NORMAL” and then other times I’m lucky I made it through the day without stabbing anyone with a fork.
Read MoreHave you ever gone to bed pissed at something and then the next morning you wake up JUST AS PISSED??? Yeah, me too. Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are things you can do the night you go to bed to help ensure you don’t wake up a cranky bitch. One thing I’ve done is…
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Are you a parent in active addiction? OR……
Are you a parent with a child in active addiction?
Are you a SOBER parent?
Are you a SOBER SINGLE parent?
And lastly, are you a SOBER SINGLE MOM?
If you answered yes to ANY of these, then…
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