ENERGY IS CONTAGIOUS

I’ve been in a good mood today….and guess who else is???— yep, Donnie is happy, too! I’m tellin’ ya— I took care of myself today emotionally and physically— and it FUCKING SHOWS!! Today was the first day in 3 weeks that I didn’t feel sick (well, my sinuses are always fucked, but I didn’t feel sick sick….like having a cold sick) and I didn’t have to run a million errands or clean like a maniac — and the big thing is that Kahlua is feeling better!!! I’m sooooo relieved!! She’s still having a little diarrhea, but if I’d stop feeding her little pieces of chicken, maybe she’d stop 💩💩💩. Logically, I’m aware that dogs can go several days without food, but emotionally, I can’t stand to NOT FEED HER ANYTHING FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS! Ugh…..I don’t want her to get too weak! I’m going to continue sleeping on the couch downstairs to be with her until she feels 💯% better. I’ve still got her gated off in the kitchen because I’m OVER cleaning up 💩 on the rugs. So, super great news about Kahlua! I’m EXTREMELY happy!!

Here’s the update on the water and dipe sitcho with Donnie at daycare:

SHOWING UP AND HOLDING YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE EVEN IF THE SHIT HITS THE FAN (LITERALLY)

I don’t FEEL like writing tonight, but guess what?—- I am because I made a commitment to myself (and to you) to write daily blogs. I’ve LITERALLY had a very shitty day. My pup, Kahlua, is sick. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with her. She’s having TONS of mucus-covered diarrhea……I know, sounds DELISH, huh? The shit storm started bright and early at 6am and Kahlua diarrhead all over herself, the hardwood floor in the kitchen and ALL over the blue rug in the living room. Cleaning and scrubbing up diarrhea is NOT fun. My pup will be 16-years old this Halloween (10/31/20) and I’m very worried about her. I don’t want to write too much of my fear here because I don’t want to conjure anything and have my fears come true. I was JUST writing about that yesterday…….shit, it could have been today…….who knows…..my brain is covered in poo today. I was telling a friend that even my

MY PUP, KAHLUA, IS NOT FEELING WELL

No long post tonight. My pup, Kahlua, is not feeling well. I’m spending time with her right now— sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight, to be with her. I’m scared and I’m worried. I just saved myself and Kahlua. A prayer for her would be much appreciated. Thank you so much. Love y’all. ❤️

I JUST CAN’T TODAY

Do y’all ever have those days where everything just seems to take 18 times as long as “normal”?? Fuck…..it’s been one of those days. Donnie took a late nap, then, of course, he got up late. And guess what that means??— yep, he got to bed late…..like laaaaaaate. I think it was close to 10pm when he went to sleep. Ugh….toddlers need a ton of sleep— I’m well aware of this, but sometimes your nights just don’t go as planned. And you know what??— that’s fucking OK. Of course, it’s OK NOW— now that

WHAT MADE ME DECIDE TO GET SOBER?

I was just asked this question by a Sobermomlife follower a couple days ago, so I wanted to share my answer with you. I decided to get sober because my soul felt like it was dying. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually I was dying. Physically, my body was literally beat up.....after a fucked up night of drinking, I’d usually wake up with

RABBIT HOLES AND WHATNOT

So, Donnie has been going to daycare for the past 2 weeks— he’s been going 3 days a week right now. My fucking PLAN was to spend most of this “free time” (there’s no free time when you’re a single mom, btw) looking for a Mortgage Loan Officer job and guess what???— that hasn’t happened because I’ve been sick all this week. I’m just feeling frustrated because I have so much stuff to do in a short amount of time— meaning getting all my shit done whilst Donnie is in daycare. Dude, I could give you a ton of examples of all the shit I have to do, but I’ll spare you the drama! lol I guess I just need a hug!!! Awwww! lol Seriously, though…..a hug from a person I love (other than my son) would be nice right about now.

LEARNING TO REST WHEN SICK

Dude, I’m sick. I’m not like sick sick, barfing, diarrhea sick— I have a sore throat, congestion, headache, super tired (not new!! Lol) and a bit achey. Donnie caught

WHAT DOES SELF-CARE LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

Self-care can mean a lot of things to me. For instance, I chose to snack on a bowl of granola cereal instead of inhaling a HUGE Costco pumpkin-strudel muffin— that right there is damn self-care. Btw…..ALL 12 of those delicious muffins were supposed to go to Donnie’s teachers/Directors at his daycare tomorrow. Well, that was the fucking PLAN, untiI

STOP ASKING WHY

You drank because you’re an alcoholic. That’s what we do. Who fucking cares the reason. Just fucking do it. Just fucking GET SOBER.

The more time we spend pondering WHY we drank (or WHY we are still drinking), the closer we are to fucking death. Period.

Look, you can go into depth about the whys and whatnot later....you do that in stepwork, but for now, just don’t fucking think.

That’s where we get ourselves into trouble— we think too fucking much.

YOU’LL EITHER GET SOBER OR YOU WON’T

You’re still drinking because alcohol is still working for you, in a fucked up way. You’re still drinking because you are too scared not to. You’re still drinking because you haven’t found a substantial replacement (ie: God / a higher power) for your liquid courage. Look, alcoholism is a soul sickness. If you’re still drinking it doesn’t mean you’re “weak”, it means you’re fucking sick— it means your soul is sick. And if you’re sober, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “strong”. Willpower has absolutely NOTHING to do with addiction and/or recovery.

I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WATCH THIS

I absolutely cannot watch movies that involve children getting hurt or killed— it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I now understand why my parents (especially my mom) used to get so worried when I didn’t come home for curfew— this was when I was in high school. Because they thought that I could be fucking DEAD!!!! I totally get that now!!— now that I’m a parent!

BEYOND PISSED

I’m BEYOND pissed right now. I don’t care how long “we’ve been friends” or……more than friends, don’t fucking disrespect me and video call me when you’re drunk. He’s an active alcoholic right now. Fuck him. I’ve been through enough fucking shit with my son’s father……from him dying from his addiction and all the fucked up bullshit I went through with him when he was alive. FUCK THAT and the Goddamn horse you rode in on. And he didn’t even know my son’s name!!! REALLY???? You want to be

POETRY

I used to write a lot of poetry. I started writing poetry probably when I was about 15-years old. I would enter poetry contests…..it was really fun and I really enjoyed it. I forgot how much I loved writing. I have not been writing much (for pleasure) because……here comes the slew of excuses…..but they’re GOOD excuses! Listen! Depression, anxiety and just extreme exhaustion have been the monkeys on my back. Those bitches weigh me down and make me want to be mindLESS instead of mindFUL. Fuck those bitches. Writing is so therapeutic for me and I need a positive outlet for stress management…..especially now……a lot of